Araphoenix Hatsugen

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A girl in the mirror named ShARA (true story)

She left a note:

I feel sick all day, as day pass my sickness are increasing, my breath slowly losts and my body get tired and tired and tired

But these past few days, my dreams were coming true, I am with a guy I really loved the most and seeing him with my arms is the happiest moment of my life.

But this happiest will end. Every morning between 4:00-6:00 am my heart pumps and I feel hurt and then tears flown in to my eyes, I wonder why is that , but I figure that it’s part of my disease.

 I want to cherish the days I know That is very valuable, i want to speak, to laugh and to feel being loved and love. I don’t want to end  being as crave of something I want but I want everyone is happy even though I am not still here.

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I will be having my nose opeation (not Rhinoplasty) but on my sinusitis. It is like a tumor that is on my nose that keeps me having a sinusitis. It will be next week or next next week but my parents decided to take me first at Digos (my doctor since I was a kid) i was like always on operation on my sense organs because I keep putting something on my nose and my ears. Yah I know I am stupid and weird since I was a kid.Anyway, They decided to take me to to Dr. (i forgot) to check my little nose if it can be cure via medicine as another alternative.

It’s really  a merry Christmas!

Ara is happy because her long time prayers finally come true…

Thank God!

I feel my mother really hates me

She doesn’t want to talk to me

She always scolded me in every small bad things I’ve done

I dont know what’s up with her

Even my sister

dont want to talk to her

April – my classmates in HS, college, co SSG officers  and everywhere

Pril – short for april.same people

Rose – my classmates in elementary and some in HS

Rose Ann- my HS barkada, my cousins and churchmates in Digos

Ara- internet/online pipz

Kwong- some of my HS schoolmates in NDMU (annoyed)

Madam – 3rd year IT (this SY), Sec B (since I became the IT President though I dont like it but just accepted it! hmmmppffff)

ann2- name they called me at home,relatives,lolo and lola mama’s friend (I hate it!)

mommy- (dili jud bagay) Nelca

Efril – Ryan co

bibi- hhahaahha… HS (3rd yr) bf …. until now bagag nawng!

honey – hahaha HS (4th yr)bf 

 …as of I remembered.

Right now it’s raining, I feel mylegs after I remove it’s hair(veet power).

I like the weather now, it is so cold and relaxing. and I am bothered of the things that is happened to me.

Well, in some sort , I have good news to my parents that I was assured already that they will smile. again i achieved the 50% scholar grant slot in achieving the definite grade the school required.I help my family to lessen their problem in terms of financial since three of us were now in College. 

I just ate my dinner at that makes me really really full. 

I just love the rain. It reminds me of good memories, good times and laughter of every drop of the rain

I confessed to my new friend that I like someone else, and he gave me this quotes love quotes actually:

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

and 

 “Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it’s when he ignores you and you still love him, it’s when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I’m happy for you, when all you really do is cry.”

Right at this moment I am crying. crying that my life was not as happy as it used to be.

My head hurts… feels like  my head will crack.

 My mum hit me with a mop handle to my head because

Nisukol ko because napuno nako og sa mga negative things she said unto me

 Sakit jud kaau akoang ulo kasukaon ko.

I cant stand na giingon ni mama na tanan nako gi sulti about sa iyaha kay mabalik sa akoa

feeling daw nako taas na kaau ko na kaya ko na akoang sarili that I am not belong to here anymore

Unsa? I was too scared na gani on what will happen to my life and then mao na iya ingnon

well in fact, I was too scared to be like her life, marrying someone who she can’t afford to live happily ever after.

 SHe is not even proud on small things what Ive done in this world.

For her, I am a lazy no future girl because of my attitude.

For her, I have no God by my side. 

She is not even worried when I am sicked.

She wanted to kill me with that mop

She said she even don’t care to kill me

I said I dont care to die, so kill me

…

She is so mean…

I will stop updating my facebook. No reasons. I just want it lang.Seems like It helps me getting weaker instead of stronger.

1. About three things I was absolutely positive. First,He was different from the other guy that is hard to understand and comprehend. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that no one can understand it is simply because I know he knows what is right and not. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

 2. I am afraid of loosing you

MORE TO COME! hahhaa

Why People cries?

I hate it when my parents compare me to my sister, it end up that my sister was  better than me in any aspect especially in management. grrrrr….

I can’t be better, do I? I cant be like my big brother, I can’t be like my little sister. Do all what I’ve done was still not enough for them? 

They demand me to do this out of my will. grrrr…  If I have a child, I let him/her do whatever he/she wants as long as it is the right thing and there will be no comparison.

You know, I thought I have no enemies because all people like to greet me, smile at me and talked to me and less I know I am hated! I have lots of attitudes,but sad to say all are negative. I dont want to cite, it would feel me ridicolous.

If there is trouble that happened to us in our class, the center of the fight would always be me. I don’t if I had the attittude problem, or the vocal one or the "palaban" one, or wala naga plastikan, basta all what I am doing is to fight what I know is right, and to fight for myself even if the case would be me versus the People of the Philippines.

Last year I think, same scenario happened, me versus our guys classmates, I don’t know what had happened, it just I happened I done something that makes it a big deal, like a secret that not to be told, I have a boastful attitude daw and etc. I really defend myself I dont want to end someone who can’t fight her principle and justice, I try not to cry but unforunately I always cry when troubles happened. They hated me, even the guy I really love that time hated me, I might think that it is so unfair that he is with someone and yet my heart was still beating up with him plus he hates me so much from head over heels, But yet I overcome it, I cry everynight and talk to Mr. Perfect and thank God he helped me a lot. I even got blogged but sad to say all are negative not just once but twice.It sad to say that all of those accusation are not true but it’s what they beleive in. But it end up, I say sorry and all things are clear. we again unite, although that day , that night was really a pain in my memories.

But  Just this week, same things happened, but now it is with the girls. I keep my silence, I don’t anyone want to get involve but sad to say, there are, in some way, I am the evil one based on an incomplete story.Right now, i am carrying this burden and I don’t want my friends to get involved either to be my comrades. I don’t want to defend my side because in the end I am always be the evil.

My goal is to graduate. I don’t care if they will hate me all or they will call themselves "HateRs". I am not playing safe, I am on myself, I have lots of friends,  even if I am alone.

It sad to say because you cared for  all of them but they dont care of you. hahay life is meant to that.Destiny is always like that. Your Fortunate in some way but you are not on the other side.

Elite People are smart

Stupid people are waste of time

Elite People knew what’s fair

Stupid people are lazy

 just a thought… mmmmm

I trust no one. Sometimes, the people who you want to save are the onewho will be against you. Siguro it’s enough na to help other, I really find who are those friend who really are my friend.

But I poor who are those who ascend by the help of others.

 I hate when I help people then these people are the one who will deceive you.

I wish not to be hurt again that is only I wish, because I always got hurt. I feel alone in our family, no one listens me, they always demand me on what I must do they always hear my good news but my problem they cover their ears so that they can’t hear me. I feel so mad when all I hear was chaos between my Aunts and our family, they always fighting for land and legacy left by my Lolo, my aunts are jealous because all my father got all the lands. But I don’t wish for any lands, I wish for the love of my family than hearing problems from them.

I don’t want a huge house with many cars, all I want is to be happy.I was blessed with my HS friends because from better to worst they are always there with me but this time they call me friend because they need me, but they betray me because of a sin that I didn’t commited. There are people who doesn’t care for you, even though when he need help you’re always there for him, it is so sad that even a friendship you ask, also he can’t give.

I beleive that guys care about girls. but I don’t feel it, maybe until I die i can’t feel it

I dont want to end my life with a tear of my eyes,sooner or later there will be no air surrounding me bedicines may help me live but i know this wont last. If I can’t get married too bad. But at least I learned to love unconditionally and spending my time hoping for him until my last breath.

I learn how to be friend, but false friend are the struggles in my life. They maybe good but in the end they are bad.

…………………………………………..

I will be again visiting my doctor results will be announced. I wish for the result A and not the result B.

I don’t want to get hurt, it’s already enough. 

TOo nice is not good.

 ————————————————————————-

It might I am not important in this world because They always rejected me.

I always do what they ask but it’s enough for them to please them

You can’t please everybdy

and I am tired of it.

I always feel alone

BEcause ever since I was alone

I never meant to have a companion

I will live alone, happy alone and die alone

I don’t want to be alone

but that’s my destiny

always be

 and I want to be it than being with others who will only kill me

I LOVE IC

I recenlty hook with a food supplement that will stay your mind active and alert and I stay awake for about 2 and half days sleepless. But unconsciously, when I get sleep< i only sleep for about couple of hours because my mind get awake, and always worried. Then my body was so tired but my brain wants to wake up! But still my problem regarding to my respiratory still in bad condition. My mom told me to have a check up, But I guess it will be this December or up.

But I love it’s effect because there are many things I want to do.

There is a great need for a medical assistant program in these days that poverty and deprivation are just around the corner. So visit St. Augustine now, and register yourself online.

Not only that this Medical Assistant school helps you with your tight budget, it gives you the chance to save your time and money because the classes will be held online. Aside from that, you can also choose your schedule and study during the days and hours you wants.

This is the only  school that will taught you everything about Medical Assistant that every hospital wants to comply.

You are sure of you’re future here think twice and  and think for your future with the right investment of money, effort and time.